Gay Marriage is a hot topic at the moment, especially in the States, where gay and LGBTQ activists are doing battle with the Christian Right over the legalisation of marriage for same-sex couples in various states. I have written about it on my blog.
http://quietgirlriot.wordpress.com/2010/07/21/all-the-lonely-people/
It’s a thorny topic, masturbation (well if you’re doing it wrong – ho ho!)
For me the main concern is a slight degree of anxiety as to what people are thinking about. Is that person watching that other person who is quite attractive in a way that would suggest a deposit in his “wank bank” for example? Well I really don’t want to know.
This topic was touched upon in The Fermata I think, but I can’t be bothered to go and find exactly when and how. Also I remember it being mentioned in an episode of Curb Your Enthusiam, the one with the incest survivors group.
Personally I think it is rather demeaning to masturbate while thinking about real people, particularly without their knowledge. Of course what they don’t know can’t harm them but imagine if it was someone you were in semi-regular contact with? Most people are capable of separating fantasy from reality but not everyone can. In an ideal world, you should always ask their permission first, although this could result in some very awkward conversations.
“Hello, I’ve just noticed you here and well you’re rather attractive. Are you interested in a representation of yourself, an avatar if you like, participating in various purely imagined degrees of sexual activity on a semi-regular basis in the next few weeks?”
In addition to this, it is not just being in someone’s masturbation fantasy that could be a bit of a problem, it is the things they might make you do in the course of their “session”. The mind can go to some odd places in those times.
Personally I think there should be some kind of hanky code (maybe a Kleenex code in this case). You see someone with this particular kind of hanky, and you know they’re perfectly happy to be fantasised about when you next masturbate. Excellent, fill your wank bank (that term is beyond vile by the way) The design of the hanky should give an indication of the kind of things they’re happy to do. For example:
“Yes I’m happy to participate in group activities and bumming but I’m not really into spit-roasting”
This way we can all be a bit less neurotic.
* For reasons losts in the mists of time for some reason, amongst a group of my friends “I Touch Myself” was considered to be “my song”. Why a Pretenders-rip off about a lady indulging in gusset typing by a couple of Australians was considered to be my song I have no idea, but it did lead to a hilarous moment when I was pleading entry to a crowded pub because they were playing “my song”. It didn’t get to be my song for ever though, as when I clumsily tried to snog some woman in a pub not knowing her rather large scary boyfriend was watching and my friends nearly dragged me out of the pub, it was replaced with the song playing at the time “If I Can’t Have You.” Now I don’t really have a theme song. Perhaps I should.
I’m not promising a part two actually, seeing as this experiment has caused me to question my status as a Fauxmos.
My new housemate Vic seems to blow dry her hair every day, regardless of whether she works or goes out. Seeing as I’m, well, me, this seemed rather alien. I don’t blow dry my hair ever. Well not since last year. I do have a hairdryer, straighteners, curling tongs (which I do use when my hair is long to be fair) and various other Nicky Clarke contraptions, but they sit in a box under my desk and are generally ignored.
Seeing as the weather is actually rather nice at the moment in Blighty, I pondered on Twitter why women blow dried their hair when a) the weather is so warm and b) they’re not even going anywhere.
I was inundated with responses (well I had about five) and things actually got quite heated, if you’ll pardon the pun.
@KezLewis advised that without blow drying and straightening her hair looked worse than Monica in Friends does in Barbados (and I’m prreeeetty sure that’s a wig). She has four kids and so doesn’t do it every time, but still feels she’s not acceptable to go out in public without sorting it. This is partly as she can’t see. So that made sense.
@kirstieh has an unruly front of hair/fringe and always does that, although this only takes 3 minutes about every three days. She agreed daily blow drying plus dye (Vic) was a “recipe for straw”.
@QueenLucyL does her hair even if she’s not leaving the house, as it doesn’t look right without it. Apparently it needs volume. Having looked at her avatar it does look lovely. Also she assured me I hadn’t failed as a woman, which was nice. “I wish I could go out without blow drying…” she tweeted, wistfully. I get that a lot, but when I think about the women saying it, their hair looks lovely and mine… well it probably doesn’t. Back when it was really long and red last year I often went out without brushing it, giving it a literally “just got out of bed” look which in retrospect may have been ample reason for Kev to dump me.
Our own @anwen said she didn’t know where her hairdryer was. HURRAY for Anwen!
Hurray also for @RealAKBizzle86 who says she doesn’t wash hers if not going anywhere. But in fairness her hair is very short.
Anyway, having taken all of this in, I decided to blow dry and straighten my hair today, just to see, and post pictures on the Twitter. They are also shown here.
It felt a bit odd and at first I couldn’t remember how to work the hairdryer, but I used some serum I seemed to have in The Box Of Nicky Clarke and some clips and afterwards I was horrified to realise it looked far better than it had since… well, October 1st 2009 when I won a work competition to have my hair cut. (I normally cut my own hair. Of course.)
It looked better, yes, and I think when I finally get a new job I shall attempt to dry my hair before I get to the office/supermarket/building site/wherever. But doing it on a Sunday when I’m going to lounge about with cider and Come Dine With Me repeats? Nah, don’t think so. I’m still a Fauxmos at heart, and in the second picture I just don’t quite look like me.
Rightly or wrongly, there are three countries in the word I always associate with idiot machoism: Spain, the US and Australia. (I’m surprised I didn’t chuck Italy in there but there you go). OH AND BY THE WAY SOME OF MY BEST FRIENDS ARE SPANISH OR AMERICAN OR AUSTRALIAN I’M NOT PREJUDICED OR NOTHING.
But those kind of places as far as I’m concerned seem to encourage the camp. Maybe it’s a reaction against it, or maybe they are two sides of the same coin.
Take the Spanish and their maricóns. But they have Almodovar:
and the Americans have John Waters and the eating of dog shit:
but the Australians do have Kath & Kim:
They win.
It sounds positively retro doesn’t it? The idea that non-heterosexual gender normative people are somehow deficient, and should be corrected to avoid dangerous tendencies in later life, such as drinking cocktails and calling everyone ‘darling’.
But doctors in America are treating pregnant women with hormones that they think will stop their girl children from developing unwanted non-feminine traits, like not being desperate to get married and have children, or wearing Dr Martens. I wish I was joking about this but I’m not.
I found out from Dr Petra Boynton, @DrPetra on twitter. Then I told Mark ‘Fauxmos Daddy’ Simpson. He was so outraged he wrote a blogpost. But, being the generous soul that he is, he sweetened the pill by including some lovely fauxmo-friendly news, about some cool androgynous kids in China. Thanks to Petra and Mark for sharing this information, and challenging the myth that any child who does not appear to be careering to heterosexual heaven is ‘abnormal’…
Here is my response to this depressing story, with some more information about how it relates to ‘intersex’ children, and in particular, how the drug being developed seems to aim to remove ‘genital abnormality’ in intersex children. Before they are even born. Whichever way you look at this story it is very disturbing.
http://quietgirlriot.wordpress.com/2010/07/02/the-world-wont-listen/
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